Not Falling
by Moose
Summary: Inu Yasha's youkia blood takes over and mass carnage ensues. What happens when Inu Yasha see's what he's done? A series of songfics including "Not Falling" by Mudvayne, "Crawling" by Linkin Park, and "Remember" by Disturbed.
1. Not Falling

"Not Falling"

Song by Mudvayne

Story by Moose

  
  
  


_Always  
Noted on my time  
A little left I'm centered now  
Reflect  
As I realize  
That all I  
Need is to find   
The little bit about to sit like the sun like a star in the sky  
It just makes  
Enough  
Cast the stars in me_  


He could feel it...pulsing, pushing through the youkia's veins...blood, life, flowing in it's body. He could feel himself losing control and his youkia blood taking over.

_I  
I stand  
Not crawling  
Not falling down  
I  
I'll beat  
The demons  
That drag me down  
I  
I stand  
(For nothing)  
Not crawling  
(Descending)  
Not falling down  
(Your nothing in the end)  
I  
I'll bleed  
(For no one)  
The demons  
(But myself)  
That pull me down  
(For me and no one else)_

His claws ripped through flesh like the razors they were - leaving jagged edges here, clean cuts elsewhere. Chunks of dying flesh scattered like confetti on the blood soaked ground. The youkia were certainly dead by now, there was nothing left to live...but his thirst was not gone - no, not yet.

_Goodbye  
Sunshine  
I put it out again  
Sun  
I'm over  
The sanelities  
Convicting  
I don__'t need you  
Or anyone by me  
I'll just be  
Living my own life  
I feel like growing cynical  
Infecting  
I feel alive and sharper  
Turn on the lime  
Planted on myself to sit like the seed in the comforts of every  
Just makes  
Enough  
What you think isn't me_  


She appeared in front of him. At first she was just another body to rip through, as he did not recognize her face. She took a hold of the sides of his face and looked him in his deep red eyes.

"Inu Yasha," Her voice was pleading, yet firm. "Come back to us!...come back to me..." 

A growl emitted from the bowls of Inu Yasha.

"Be careful!" The warning came from Miroku.

She never took her eyes from his. "Inu, please."

_I  
I stand  
Not crawling  
Not falling down  
I  
I'll beat  
The demons  
That drag me down  
I  
I stand  
(For nothing)  
Not crawling  
(Descending)  
Not falling down  
(Your nothing in the end)  
I  
I'll bleed  
(For no one)  
The demons  
(But myself)  
That pull me down  
(For me and no one else)_

Red eyes blinked back and the sound of dripping blood lessened in Kagome's ears. Inu Yasha growled and tore her hands from the sides of his head, but not letting go.

"Kagome." Inu Yasha rasped out. His eyes dimmed and his body began to shake. He looked around himself at the carnage...carnage that he had done. The smell of blood and death was overwhelming him and it brought him to his knees. He collapsed into a puddle of blood and began to sob. The guilt was so thick he was beginning to choke. He was the one responsible for all this death. "I-I should have had more control...more strength..." Inu Yasha began to trail off and mumble.

The sight of Inu Yasha brought more tears to Kagome's eyes. He ... he seemed _broken_ now. Like this was the final straw that broke the camel's back.

_Come play kill  
(Refuse my to fall, today refuse my shadow)  
Stone cold will  
(Refuse to need this, refuse to follow)  
Bitter pills  
(Refuse to be this, refuse to swallow, I feel godless)  
Come play  
Come play god  
Test me  
Test me_

Inu Yasha struggled to get back on his feet. "I can't...can't stay h-here...'ave to go." He managed a few steps before crumbling back down to the ground near Miroku. Miroku followed him to the ground so that he didn't injure himself.

"You aren't going anywhere, Inu Yasha, but back to village so you can recuperate." Inu Yasha fought back, but his heart wasn't in it. His heart was too busy shattering like the rest of him. __

It all came crashing down on Inu Yasha at once, and he could not stop the tears from coming. Kagome knelt down alongside them and he turned to her and buried his head in her shoulder, letting it all out.

_I  
I stand  
(For nothing)  
Not crawling  
(Descending)  
Not falling down  
(Your nothing in the end)  
I  
I'll bleed  
(For no one)  
The demons  
(But myself)  
_

The trio stayed like that until there were no more tears left to cry. It was then that Miroku picked up his fallen comrade and carried him to where they could care for him.

It would be a long time before Inu Yasha would forgive himself, and tough, but together, they would get through it and be just fine.

The End 

a/n: well, should I write the next chapter to this? Leave it as it is? Erase all evidence that this story existed?

Disclaimer: Last time I checked I didn't own Inu Yasha..and you know what? I still don't.__

  
  
  


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	2. Crawling

"Crawling"

Song by Linkin park

Story by Moose

  


_crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal  
fear is how i fall  
confusing what is real_

crawling...that's how he felt. He was crawling in this half demon, half human skinof his. He couldn't take what he had done...all those he had killed. They weren't just demons, he had found out there were some innocent humans, too, and that had just ripped him apart.

_there's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface  
consuming/confusing  
this lack of self-control i fear is never ending  
controlling/i can't seem..._

Inu Yasha had tried so hard to control his demon side._..so hard!_ It just kept tugging and tuggingon his soul, scratching and ripping at his insides to get out, to kill something, anything.

_to find myself again  
my walls are closing in  
(without a sense of confidence and i'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
i've felt this way before  
so insecure  
_

He felt so utterly _disgusted_ with himself. Inu Yasha could hardly stand it. The constant fear of an episode like that night happening again weighed heavily on his shoulders. What if he injured Kagome? What if...what if...what if...all the possibilities pulled him deeper into his own misery.

_crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal  
fear is how i fall  
confusing what is real_

Kagome knew Inu Yasha was greatly impacted by that night. Everyone knew. It was obvious in his actions. The way he spoke, it was lifeless. He would sit and stare straight ahead, eyes glazed over, like he was lost within himself. Every day he would do this and it was killing Kagome.

_discomfort endlessly has pulled itself upon me  
distracting/reacting  
against my will i stand beside my own reflection  
it's haunting how i can't seem..._

  


Inu Yasha felt like he was drowning...all his senses were clouded and dull. When the others spoke to him , he could only just manage to hear them, even when they were shouting at him to stop this madness of his. But he couldn't, he had banished himself here, to this desolate place, because of what he was, what he had done.

_to find myself again  
my walls are closing in  
(without a sense of confidence and i'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)  
i've felt this way before  
so insecure  
_

He could feel himself disintegrating, wasting away ever so slowly, day by miserable day. He had gone up to a cliff nearby, and Kagome had followed him. He knew what She thought he was going to do, jump. He was, but not today. He had walked up to the edge and sat there, just staring down at what could be. His ears twitched at footsteps coming up behind him. Kagome sat down beside him.

  


"Inu Yasha," Kagome started. She started to cry. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"

He tilted his head. He wanted so badly to tell her everything he was feeling. The cloud of despair within was choking him, taking away his oxygen and not letting him speak. _'Oh Kagome..' _He was a weakling; he couldn't even help himself. A soft touch on his face brought him back from his thoughts. He was crying. No! No!! He wouldn't cry again...not again. Inu yasha couldn't stop himself, like he couldn't stop his youkia blood from taking over that night.

Kagome took his hand and stood up, pulling Inu Yasha with her. She pulled him into a warm embrace and laid his head on her shoulder. She made soft, comforting sounds.

_crawling in my skin  
these wounds they will not heal  
fear is how i fall  
confusing what is real_

"You'll be alright, Inu Yasha." She held him closer. "..you'll be alright. I promise."

The End

a/n: now, I think this one sucked. More of a filler I suppose u could say...eh, whatever. Flame me if you please! How else am I suppose to roast these marshmallows? Hmm..I suppose I could use a lighter...

Disclaimer: in 1st part!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	3. Remember

"Remember"

Song by Disturbed

Written by Moose

  


_Sensation washes over me  
I can't describe it  
Pain I felt so long ago  
I don't remember  
Tear a hole so I can see  
My devastation  
Feelings from so long ago  
I don't remember_

"Inu Yasha? Inu Yasha??" Coming face to face with the half demon, half human, Miroku peered into his eyes and gasped. Inu Yasha's eyes were empty, a sign that he had withdrawn to within himself. "I-Inu...Yasha?"

Miroku stood up and called his name again before gathering him up in his arms and running to Kaede's hut.

"Kaede!" Miroku yelled with all his might. "Kaede! Something's wrong with Inu Yasha! Kaede!"

She finally appeared from behind a screen. "Lay him back here, monk." Behind the screen she had a futon. Kaede shooed Miroku away. "Go and get Kagome. She will be the greatest help for Inu Yasha."

_Holding on, to let them know  
What's given to me  
To hide behind  
The mask this time  
And try to believe_

  


After Miroku left to wait at the well for Kagome to come through, Kaede turned and spoke to Inu Yasha.

"Inu Yasha..." She went to his side. "Speak to me."

Inu Yasha did nothing but blink his blank, desolate eyes at the ceiling.

"If you won't speak to me, then heed what I have to say.." She studied him. "I know you are hurt, Inu Yasha, but this is not the way to go about it. You need to let go of the guilt. You know you were not yourself then."

Nothing, not even his nose twitched.

"Not only are you hurting yourself, you are hurting your friends...especially Kagome, Inu Yasha. She can't bear to see you in such pain."

_Blind your eyes to what you see  
You can't embrace it  
Leave it well enough alone  
And don't remember  
Cut your pride and watch it bleed  
You can't deny it  
Pain you know you can't ignore  
I don't remember_

  


Inu Yasha's ears began to twitch at her name. Kaede continued to speak to him.

  


Soon Kagome came flying into the hut, not bothering to stop and flip her shoes off at the entrance

"Inu Yasha!" She ran to him and slid to the ground near his face.

"I've been speaking to him for some time now. He hasn't responded to me with words, but at the mention of your name, Kagome, he did twitch his ears."

Kagome smiled grimly. Miroku had told her the whole story while they were running here. Speaking of Miroku...

Loud gasps for air were heard at the door. They both peeked around the screen to see Miroku leaning heavily on his staff. He leaned on his knees trying to catch his breath before wobbling back to them.

"Any improvements?" He asked calmly while looking over Inu Yasha. He still had that blank look.

_Holding on, to let them know  
What's given to me  
To hide behind  
The mask this time  
And try to believe_

Kagome began to lay down beside Inu Yasha. She caressed his face. "Why doesn't he speak to us?"

"..h...hurt..ss..." Inu Yasha mumbled softly.

They al jumped. Now there was something they weren't expecting.

"What?! What hurts, Inu Yasha?" Kagome sprang up from her side.

"..'ain..what..'one..."

"We will help you through that, Inu Yasha! Please, just let us help you!" The plead came from Miroku, who spoke before anyone else had a chance.

Inu Yasha didn't speak again that night. Kaede, Kagome, and Miroku all eventually fell asleep.

Kagome yawned as the morning sun reached her eyes, She stretched and rolled over to check on Inu Yasha...but there was a problem - he was gone. 

"..ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod..." Kagome repeated it over and over. "Miroku!! Kaede!! He's gone! Inu Yasha's gone!"

"Eh...I'm awake, I'm awake...What?!?!" Miroku's eyes snapped open, as did Kaede's.

"He's gone!" Kagome repeated.

"But how? When??" Miroku couldn't believe it.

"He must of gone during the night." Kaede said.

"But what if someone came in while we were sleeping and took him?!" Kagome was starting to get frantic.

"We'll split up to look for him. Let's go." Miroku told them.

_Blind your eyes to what you see  
You can't embrace it  
Leave it well enough alone  
And don't remember  
Cut your pride and watch it bleed  
You can't deny it  
Pain you know you can't ignore  
I don't remember_

Hours passed before the trio finally regrouped. They didn't say anything to each other, only sad looks, as they stood outside the hut. Miroku and Kaede soon went inside, but Kagome stayed outside to watch the sunset.

She heard a noise from the roof behind her. Kagome whipped around to see what it was, or rather _who_ it was. Inu Yasha was no more then 2 inches from her face. She had just opened her mouth to say something when he placed a finger on her lips to silence her and pulled her into a strong embrace.

_If I can  
Remember  
To know this will  
Conquer me  
If I can  
Just walk alone  
And try to escape  
Into me_

"I'm sorry, Kagome." He whispered into her ear. "...for everything."

"Inu Yasha..." Her eyes started to brim with tears, but this time out of joy. "I'm so glad you're here."

The sun was beginning to set behind them.

"Watch the sunset with me?" She asked him. Inu Yasha smiled. "It's so great to see you smile again."

Inside the hut Miroku and Kaede were pressed up against the wall of the hut, straining to hear what was going on outside.

Inu Yasha smacked the side of the hut and listened for them to jump...and did they jump!

'See, Inu Yasha, I told you that you would be fine,' Kagome thought to herself, though she knew there was still a lot going on inside of him.

_The End!_

A/n: the last chapter! Good? Bad? I'd like to thank Nowhere man, DemonBlade, and Usagipegusus for reviewing! Thanks guys! Happy New Year, everyone! 

  
  
  
  



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